Absence makes the heart grow fonder...right?

I don't even know where to start. This weekend has been a very interesting weekend and I wish I was able to give you details on every single thing that happened, but I can't. Some things will go with me to the grave....but don't worry, I was a good boy.

Anyway, the government sent my boyfriend to Singapore for a week and a half and it was bittersweet. Absence makes the heart grow fonder, but at the same time, I was so lonely, that's when my friend Angel called me and invited me to a party. Her lesbian supervisor who wants very badly to get in her pants told her that she was throwing a party and would giver her Sunday off if she came. So she picked me up and we were on our way. When we got there, the house was really nice and when I got inside there were a lot of people. There was a guy who was sitting at the table playing cards who had a wife beater on and some jeans and he was staring at me. I didn't really notice him at first, but I eventually felt him staring at me. Girls were trying very hard to get at Angel, but weren't having too much luck. There were a few really pretty lesbians in the corner and they were all dressed to impress. One had an Hermes bag that's probably worth more than my car and I loved her. She and I laughed and talked and then she and I started taking shots of tequila. Bad idea.

"Hey come here," wife beater said to me,

"Why?" I asked,

I'll admit, he was cute and he had great lips and I'm a sucker for the chocolate men with great skin and a bald head

"Because I said so."

Normally when someone is confident it turns me on, but at that point I decided to ignore him, because he was a little too cocky and he needed to be trained. The pretty lesbians and I took three more shots and I was feeling great. Then I an amaretto and coke, then 2 orange pineapple daiquiris.

"You still ignoring me?" wife-beater asked,

"Who are you?" I said to him,

"Winston."

"Who wears a wife-beater when it's 30 degrees outside?" I asked,

"I get hot easily. I took my sweater off. You don't like what you see?"

"You're okay. Kinda built like my boyfriend."

"Oh, is he here?"

"No, he's in Singapore."

"The country?" he asked,

"No, the state." I said annoyed,

"Asshole," he laughed, "well just so you know, I'm a great interim boyfriend."

"Is that how you make a living?" I asked, "I thought that was called being an escort."

"You're funny, do I get your name?"

"Nope."

Just like clockwork...

"Kendal!" Angel said appearing out of no where, "How much have you had to drink?"

"That's not my name ma'am, who are you?" I said to her,

"Are you that drunk?" she asked,

"No dummy, I wasn't trying to tell Winston here my name."

They said you've been throwing drinks back like water."

"Oh, you're cute," she said to Winston, "I'm Angel."

"He's not into you." I said to her,

"Have you talked to Terry today?" she asked me,

"He knows I have a boyfriend." I said, "Go let one of the ladies in there play with your muff."

"You're so disgusting." she said,

Angel walked away and Winston said told me to take Everclear shots with him. I told him that there was no way I'd do that. Bad things happen when everclear gets in my system. VERY BAD THINGS.

"Come on, you can do it."

"If I drink that, I'll probably end up with your dick in me and that's the last thing I want right now and I'm already pretty tipsy. No thanks."

"Do I look like a rapist?"

"Actually yes." I said,

So after more drink and laughter and Winston trying to get at me all night, Angel eventually took me home. I was WASTED. I got on twitter and made a fool of myself and I'm still very embarrassed about that. ANyway, the next morning was not pretty at all. I had the hangover from hell and I had text messages from Winston. I was very mad that I gave him my number, but at the same time, I was very happy that I wasn't sexting with him.

Things got better. Water and gatorade do miracles for hangovers and I ended up getting a call from Angel again. A different lesbian supervisor is having a dirty santa sex toy party and she was invited. I don't know much about sex toys other than the dildo that...well nevermind that, but she and I went to the party and the food was great. Then Winston showed up. Who gave him and invite? Really?

I wasn't in the mood for alcohol so I didn't drink, but when the Dirty Santa game started, I had a blast. I actually got my gift stolen twice and I'm glad because they were pink double sided dildos and various pink vibrators, but I ended up with a huge bottle of lube and the four very nice and very expensive candles. :)

So there were two gay male couples there and they were actually really nice and very cute. I promise that both of the bottoms looked like Justin Bieber and one of the tops looked like Anderon Cooper while the other top looked like Jason Stackhouse from True Blood! Anyway, This other guy showed up and he wasn't too cute, but he wasn't really ugly. Anyway, he kept flirting with me and Winston didn't like it.

"Hey," Winston said to him, "I just got out of jail and I don't wanna go back for kicking your ass. Don't come near my boyfriend again." I couldn't help but laugh but the strangest thing happend. This horny flirtatious weirdo went over the the Justin Beiber/Anderson Cooper couple and flirted super hard with Anderson. Justin wasn't happy about it at all! But Justin didn't say anything. And this guy was touchy-feely, flirty, and just rude. He even told Justin that it was past his bedtime and he needed to go home. He also told him that he needed to stay out of grown-up conversations. I would have fought this dude if this were happening to me. Anyway, so we leave the party and Winston was actually really sweet. Angel was actually drunk and Winston volunteered to take us home. When we got to my house, he walked me to the door and actually tried to make sure I got in okay, but I wouldn't let him come in. He tried to kiss me and I let him kiss me on the cheek. I walk in the house and I got a strange feeling. I didn't hear my puppies bark and I immediately thought they were dead. I cut the alarm notification off and I ran over to their crates and they were missing. I was terrified. That's when I heard a noise upstairs and it wasn't the sound a puppy makes. It was the sound a person makes. I grabbed a knife from the kitchen drawer I heard this person coming downstairs very rapidly and I got super scared. I was so afraid I dropped the knife and passed out. When I woke up, I was in the living room and Terry was trying to tell me he was just playing a joke on me. His boss let him come back from Singapore early. So it's good to know that if I'm ever put in a position where I'm about to die because of an intruder, I'll pass out.

Drama is destined to follow me forever...

So...

It's been a minute. Yes. Blogging has been moved to the bottom of my priority list and I hate that, but it is what it is. It seems like just yesterday all I wanted to do was blog, blog, blog...I'd even do it before homework. But now there is so much going on and I told myself I wouldn't tell you guys, but I want to be honest with you all so here it goes.

I've been in a relationship with a man for almost two years now and I can honestly say I have regrets. I moved in with him far too soon and believe me that the last thing I want is to take away from the man that he is, but we're facing problems and I don't know if we'll overcome them, but we will try.

My holiday was great and I saw another birthday. I'm getting closer to 30 every year, but I don't mind. I've lived for 24 years now and I think it's a privilege to grow older. We should embrace it.

I always recently reunited with an amazing friend who I love so very much. Follow him on twitter @amauhd

Let me get off my high horse and share a little story with you guys.

As you guys know, I have two dads. No, not in a gay way, one man is married to my mother and he's raised me from birth while the other was forced to stay away from me all my life until a couple of years ago. he has several siblings and they all have children so on Thanksgiving, I went to visit with my other family and they were all happy to see me. We're all laughing and talking and enjoying one another and then HE comes in. He was the most beautiful person I'd ever seen. He looked so much like me.

"Kendal," he said, "what's up? How are you?"

"Do I know you?" I asked completely forgetting where I was,

He had the most beautiful dark brown eyes and the body of a god. His sweater fit his body so perfectly that I wanted to rip it off and do bad things to him and not care who was around.

"I'm your cousin Terrence."

"Oh." I said with disappointment on my face,

"How have you been?" he asked, "I'm good, just enjoying the day."

"I heard it was your birthday. I got you something." He handed me a twenty and I told him thanks, then some girl walked and and stood next to him.

"Hi, I'm Wendy." she said,

"Hello," I replied to her,

"You're so cute. Are you Terrence little cousin?" I didn't like her tone so I walked over to get some cake,

"Hey," my biological father said to everyone, "let's figure this out now. Who's an Auburn fan and who's an Alabama fan and who just doesn't care?"

"I think a better question is who actually went to either of the schools." Wendy said, "I can't stand when people are die-hard fans for teams and half of them didn't even go to that college, let alone college in general."

"So you're telling me that you get annoyed because people are fans of teams that they love and these teams have been in their families for generations and some of these people live vicariously through these team members, but you find it unacceptable to be a fan if you have nothing to do with that college. Who are you again?"

"I think the better question is 'who are you?'" she said, "how long have you even been in this family?"

"Wendy's my fiance," Terrence said, "Wendy, calm down. It's not a big deal."

"How old are you?" she asked, "are you even in college yet?"

"I'm seriously not about to even answer your questions. You woke up this morning and drew your eye brows on. Really? Who told you that was okay?"

"Wait," my dad said causing me to realize where I get my slow-ness from, "Did she just ask my son how long he'd been in this family? This family doesn't even like you Wendy."

At that moment I felt bad. But at the same time, I didn't like that hoe. She grabbed her purse and headed toward the door.

"Bye eyebrows." My little sister said,

Abcde

Today one of my students wrote in her journal that she couldn't wait to have a baby and she's already picked out her son and daughters names. Her son's name will be S'Vante and her daughters name will be Abcde (pronounced Ab-si-dee). Normally, I write a comment or two, but I was left speechless. So all I could write was a smiley face. Terry thinks that she's going to interpret that as a green light to go ahead and do it. But honestly, she should be able to name her child whatever she wants without me or Terry judging her.

This morning...

I was at work this morning and I was listening to the radio. The morning show I was listening to mentioned The Real Housewives of Atlanta coming on tonight. I immediately got excited because I forgot all about it. It was like one of those times where you thought you ate the last cupcake, and you go back in the kitchen and find one more. Such a great feeling. Anyway, so me being excited, I call Terry.

"Baby," he said, "guess what!"

"What?"

"Real Housewives of Atlanta comes on tonight!" I exclaimed as quietly as I could,

*crickets*

"Did you hear me?"

"Yeah, I'm excited baby. I can't wait!" he said,

"I know right!!"

"Did this little girl just call me to tell me about the Real Housewives of Atlanta?" he said,

"Um," I asked, "who are you talking to?"

"I'm sorry, I'm just asking myself why you would call to tell me this. Do you not have anything to do?"

"No, I have mountains of work to do, but--"

"You couldn't."

"I do, I thought you would be excited but clearly you aren't. I can't wait until I put you in a home."

"Whatever." he said, "What are you cooking for dinner tonight?"

"Nothing, the real housewives of Atlanta don't cook dinner."

"I'm doing all I can not to hang up on you."

"No, I think we're having shrimp tonight." I said, "how does that sound?"

"Great Nene,"

"Kim, don't make me curse you out in front of all my co-workers."

Race Issues and Man whores

Yeah it's been a minute and no I didn't die and no Terry didn't put me on punishment and take my computer away. I don't think this is the longest absence I've taken, but from the emails and tweets, I see that you guys have really missed me. If I could use one word to describe my life, it would definitely have to be: drama. I don't really know where to start. I guess I should start with work. I hope this isn't too much for you guys, but maybe it will be easy to understand. Work has been crazy and challenging and I love it. Working for the government has given me so many opportunities and though it's overwhelming it's extremely rewarding. No two days are alike and there are some very interesting people who I work with. I'm going to start with Stephanie. Stephanie is extremely smart and beautiful woman with long brown hair and stands at a towering 6'0". She's white and 25 years old and has become one of my very close friends. Now the other day she and I were in the cafeteria and I completely didn't expect this to happen at work, but it did. She and I were sitting at a table laughing and talking and...

"Excuse me, but is it true that you don't date black women?" A very attractive African-American woman was standing at our table and I wanted to curse her out.

"Are you talking to me or Stephanie?" I asked her to piss her off a little, "I don't even know you, so don't you find that inappropriate?"

"I'd just like to know, because there are several BLACK women here who would love to get to know you."

"Well ma'am actually," I said, "the rumor that you've concocted is true. But I don't date white women either."

"Hispanic?" she asked,

"I don't understand the complex you have," Stephanie said,

"I'm sure you don't." the young lady said to her, "so be quiet."

"Let's say I was dating him," Stephanie said, "which I'm not because as you can see I'm married," she flashed her ring, "but why would that be any of your business?"

"Because there aren't many black men out of the 10,000 people that work in our building and I just wanted to know." She rolled her eyes at Stephanie and then looked at me, "Would you like my number?"

"No thanks." I replied,

She stood there for a minute and gave me a really hateful look before walking away as if she were a super model.

Of course as Stephanie and I headed back over to the elevators, she couldn't believe what had just happened and talked my ear off about it. She then asked me if I didn't date black women or white women who did I date? I evaded her question because I didn't think that I wanted to tell her my business yet. Then I messed myself up. There he was. He was the sexiest person I'd ever seen, well maybe not the sexiest ever but he was really hot. He had a milk chocolate complexion with a bald head and a body to die for. How did I know he had a body? He was coming from the gym and was still in his tank and shorts.

"Tyler," Stephanie said to him, "how are you? I haven't seen you in a while." I'm sure at this point my mouth was wide open as the two of them talked. Then she introduced me and I swear she literally had to call my name twice before I spoke and shook his his hand. He ended up going in the opposite direction and we got on the elevator.

"Are you okay?" she asked,

"Yeah, why?"

"No reason. I'm just putting some things together. I think Tyler is gay. What do you think?"

"I don't know him." I replied,

"Yeah, but I just have a feeling. Are you good at spotting out gay people?"

"No."

"I think my sister is gay sometimes. I don't know why she'd keep it a secret though. I'd love her even more."

"Your sister works in the building across the street. Don't you think having people know your gay while working for the army is a good way to prevent a promotion?"

"Is that what you think will happen to you? I wouldn't tell anyone. It's not my secret to tell."

"You think I'm gay?"

"No, just asking."

The elevator doors opened and our boss was standing there. I ended up going to my desk, while she ended up at hers. Before we could continue our conversation, it was time for me to leave and head to my second job as a teacher.

So I'm sure some of you have been wondering what my better half has been up to. Then again, I'm sure most of you don't care. Terry and I have gotten really comfortable with one another in a not so good way. The honeymoon stage is OFFICIALLY OVER. I love him, don't get me wrong, but it's getting to the point where if I don't get some Kendal time, then I'll cuss him out for no reason at all. The snoring and the rough sleeping don't help anything at all. Other than that he's been trying to complete his Ph.D program and he's been working a lot. We had a trip planned by train to New Orleans because I'd never been on a train before, but they wouldn't let us take our dogs so we cancelled it. Anyway, I don't know why I felt that was important for you to know, but today we were cleaning out the garage and after going through more army stuff than a person can shake a stick at, I came across a small photo album. I opened the album and there were pictures of young men all with military cuts posing or smiling or doing whatever.

"What in the Bishop Eddie Long hell?"

"What?" Terry asked, "Do you see a snake?"

"No, why do you have all these pictures of these men?"

"I thought I got rid of that. This album contains photos of men, that I either slept with or men that wanted to get with me." He laughs,

"You don't think this is strange?"

"No, I was young and in the army at the time."

"This is a lot of men." I said trying to see which ones I thought might be cuter than me,

"You've really been around the block. You bent over for some of these guys?"

"I will take that book and smack you with it. I've never been a bottom."

"Really?" *side eye*

"Whatever Kendal. Let's not get on your many men." He said to me,

"I haven't been with that many men." I said,

"Birds of a feather..."

"Just because Jordan is a whore, doesn't mean I'm one. Don't put this on me. You've got an album celebrating your whoredom."

"Good afternoon," a man said from behind us both,

"Hi, I'm trying to sell the house next door and there is an open house tomorrow. How are you guys?"

"How can we help you?" Terry asked,

"Well I saw you guys and wondered if everything was okay. Is the owner moving or something? I see you guys moving boxes, but I don't see a moving truck."

"Oh shit." I said,

"What are you trying to say?" Terry asked,

"Just checking on things." the stranger said,

"I guess you thought that two black men in a white neighborhood looks out of place and thought you'd come over and play hero to save the day from the thieving niggas. I own this house and when I'm cleaning out my god damn garage you shouldn't be concerned. As a matter of fact, Kendal, go get my gun."

"Sir, I didn't know. I'm not racist."

"You won't be much of anything if you don't get off my property."

The man darted back over to his car and left quickly. Of course that was the topic of conversation for the next thirty minutes. Then I noticed that I lost the album. Somehow it had been placed in the trash pile.

"So back to this album sir."

"Do you think I'm cheating? Are you feeling insecure with this album Kendal?"

"No."

"Good. Usually when insecurities show up, it's usually you who's out there doing the cheating."

"Really? Do you think I could cheat on you?" I asked,

"No, as crazy as you are, you don't have the energy to get on my nerves and some other guy. I'm sure you have offers though, but as soon as they got to know you, they'd get rid of you."

"That's why I'm telling everyone that all those men in that album topped you."

"Clearly you want to start wearing bruises."

"Only if they come from you being rough with me when we fuck."

Somehow we ended up in the backseat of his Range Rover and he ended up bruises my backside...

I'm Still Alive

I went to a wedding Saturday and I actually enjoyed myself. I went as my mom's date and I had to admit that I had a lot of fun with her. There were several attractive single men there and one in particular was so smooth, i didn't realize he was hitting on me until after he got my number...or maybe I'm just slow, but he was really attractive. So attractive, it made me wish Terry was there to see him. He had a caramel complexion with a perfectly styled faux-hawk. His hair looked soft and he had beautiful dark brown eyes. He wore a pin stripe vest with a pink button down and pink and gray tie. He looked hot and he knew it.

"I'm Trent," he said, "everyone keeps telling me that you and I look alike."

"Really?" I smiled, "I guess people see the light skin and think we're related."

"If anyone else asks, I'm just going to tell them we're twins."

"Okay," I laughed, "What's your name?"

"Kendal." I said,

"Are you a friend of the bride or the groom?"

"The bride and I used to play together as kids." I said, "What about you?"

"Who's child are you?" my mother interrupted appearing out of no where,

"Excuse me," he asked,

"Mom," I said, "this is Trent. Wait, I thought I told you no more champagne."

"This is just my second glass." Now I know that two glasses of champagne doesn't sound like much, but for my mother, that's equivalent to to the 11 shots of Tequila I took my freshman year. Sure, you might not believe me, but then again, you've never seen her drunk.

"Mom," I said, "I'm calling my daddy. Why are you drinking?"

"They made us do a toast." She said, "I didn't want to feel left out. Kendal, look, that's my ex-boyfriend before I met your daddy." I looked over and saw a man who was VERY attractive but then again, most men in suits turn me on so that may not be saying much.

"Why did you break up?" I asked regretting it as soon as it left my lips,

"We got into an argument and he didn't like it when I put him in his place." she said,

"Oh." I said,

"Don't worry," she said, "he and I never slept together."

"Mom!" I yelled, Trent laughed really hard until my mother gave him a look, "go take a walk."

"That was a little inappropriate wasn't it?" She asked,

"Yes." My mother went to go socialize, and Trent began talking to me again.

"So how do you feel about these huge extravagant weddings?" he asked me,

"I think they're great."

"Really?" he asked, "I wouldn't have pegged you for that type."

"What are you doing after you leave here?"

"Taking my mother to AA." he gave me a serious look,

"I was kidding. She rarely drinks."

"Well I just moved here and I'm a friend of the groom's. I'm trying to make friends so give me you're number and we can hook up."

I gave him my number thinking that he just wanted to be friends. Then later I got text messages from him that said otherwise.

In other news, school has started and I'm working part-time as a teacher and I'm working for the government as well. As you can see blog entries are dying down, but the blog isn't dead yet so keep checking back. Oh today I gave my students this sentence to correct.

"I can't wait to use my Rush Card to buy new House of Dereon Clothes at Citi Trends." It seems like sarcasm being conveyed with a classist statement, but they kids didn't see it like that and that's not what I was implying.

""

"He went in for the gays like Donnie McClurkin on BGC"

I had no idea that black people were almost non-existent in Panama City, Florida. Maybe I just didn't know where to go, but the ones I did see must not have gotten the memo: Karl Kani is not a designer we still rock in 2010. I'm just saying. Anyway, my trip was great. My boyfriend got on my nerves but for the most part we enjoyed ourselves and our friends. We ended up going to the beach. I didn't see any oil and I was looking. Then we went to the club later. I honestly can tell you that I don't know the name of the hole in the wall we went to, but I've never experienced anything in my life like what I did Saturday night.

"Excuse me young playa," a man with a grill in his mouth and no shirt on. He definitle should have been wearing a shirt because of his very large stomach. I had a horrified look on my face and I wanted this man to get away from me. I'll admit he had very beautiful eyes. "Can I have the honor of knowing your name? I would love to make you a star."

"My name?" I asked, "Terry."

"Well beautiful young brother Terry, are you going to give me the opportunity to make you a star?" He handed me his card and this fool had the title of Rev. in front of his name.

"I'm not really trying to break out into the entertainment business." I said to him,

"You just don't know it yet," he said, "can you give a good massage?"

"No." I said,

"How are your oral skills?"

"I SPEAK very well sir."

"With my help we could make a lot of money. I have quite a few clients that would love you."

"Are you a pimp?" I asked,

"Hell no. I'm an escort agent."

"Hey," Terry said far too late, "this nigga right here is my hoe."

"Are you going to let him call you a hoe?" the reverend asked me,

"I'd rather him call me a hoe then hit me."

"Oh hell baby, if you came to work for me then I'd never put a finger on you unless you wanted me to."

"I have herpes." I said to him,

"My clients don't have to know."

"hey bruh," Terry said, "leave my boyfriend alone,"

After a little confusion he left us alone and the rest of the night was interesting. The hole in the wall was pretty fun, but we ended up leaving and the people we were staying with took us to a house party. Terry and I were okay at first and then our friend told us it was time to go. I wondered why we were leaving so quickly...then I saw that the condoms were coming out and I had an idea of what was about to go down.

... In other news...

Terry got a fleshjack today for when he goes overseas for business trips. I put my finger in the hole and it feels just like an ass just not as moist... but he also got me this huge dildo that will NOT ever see my insides. If anyone can get this thing in them, then they will be wearing diapers for life. I don't know why I shared that..

Oh and I almost forgot...

I know many of you know that I have a thing for pastors and I've dated *cough* a few *cough*

So an old friend who is a pastor invited me to his church last night and I wanted to go, but I had some other things to do. A friend went and as soon as it was over he called me to tell me he preached a VERY homophobic sermon. Now maybe it was divine intervention that I didn't go because I probably would have messed him up, but I'm a firm believer that if my ass has ever been on your lips at any point in your life and you've had your penis down my throat then you should really be careful with what you preach. I was told that "he went for the gays like Donnie McClurkin on BGC"....that's all. Time for bed now, good night.

Random Quote from @amauhd on twitter

Me: I want a new car, but I want a Camaro that's really sporty and masculine or a lexus that's really classy.

@amauhd: Well they'll both be a step up for you.

Good night!